Love and living life to the full

Love, in my opinion is everything. To love others, to love yourself, to love creation and creator.

I recently read a book by Gary Chapman which is all about Love languages.

I will give you a quick summary then some examples of how this book changed the overflow of love in my house hold. 

Gary suggests that there are 5 languages of Love and that every one has a primary and secondary preference. 

These are :- Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Touch, Gifts and Acts of Service.

I later did a questionnaire at a Seminar I attended for Temple Spa and we looked at this In detail. I knew that my primary language was Words. I love to build people up, compliment them on what they are wearing and share helpful information that I may have gathered from books, seminars, work or life experience. 

My secondary language is quality time. This made so much sense as I love nothing more that having all my family in one room, watching a movie whilst enjoying pop corn and a cup of tea. It just fills my heart with such joy.

I could not wait to take the questionnaire home and see what my family’s languages of love were. I always assumed that Richard’s (my husband) was Acts of Service as he always brings me a cuppa in the morning and makes me an omelette. Nothing shocked me more when I realised that his primary was Touch followed by Quality time.

At first, I actually felt really sad. Why you may ask, well for years when he has been asking for a cuddle I always assumed that he wanted more, so promptly I rejected him. To top this off when he wanted quality time he had to battle with me looking at my phone so getting no eye contact. Although I was saying “ I am listening”, my actions proved that I wasn’t.

So you can imagine how over the years that has caused both of us to misunderstand and misinterpret each others love for each other.

This knowledge has brought such depth to our marriage. Rich understands that if he wants me to understand what he is feeling he needs to communicate with me as this is the best way for me to have compassion and clarity on his present state. I, on the other hand have to make a conscious effort when he wants quality time to put my phone away, look at him and engage in the conversation and be fully present (I am still working on this). 

In addition to this I have learned to pick up on his body language and ask if he would like a cuddle. When we do this I can feel him melt into my arms and a lovely sigh of gratitude leaves his body. 

On a night time now, we also make time to watch at least one television programme. We snuggle together and I stroke his arm.  Elementary on CBS, is the present favourite, but dependant on mood 50 Ways to kill your mammy can also get a look in. This seems like something so simple but it has really improved our love and understanding of what makes the over feel appreciated and valued.

I later did my 2 eldest boys and found that Daniel’s Language of Love was Words of Affirmation so it was important for me to highlight what I appreciated about him. Funnily enough my saying how I liked that he was a clean, tidy and helpful lad made him move the pots that he would normally leave lying around (Reverse Psychology).

My middle child favours touch so I make a conscious effort to find time to sit with him and snuggle and read a book or have movie time.  Also we have developed a special hug where he runs from a distance and jumps up on me. Then I do 5 squats holding him in my arms, followed by an eskimo kiss.

It really is the little things that make people feel loved and happy. Not £10000’s in the bank or lots of material items. Just pure and simple eye contact, touch, kind words, doing something thoughtful like sending a nice text message or sharing a lovely post card with empowering words.

I have learned also that the priority is to be kind to myself. Capture negative dialogue that may be going around my brain and enjoy nice, warm baths where I listen to music, meditation or watch Oprah Winfrey. Now that is living life to the full.

What is your love language and how do you show love to other’s and yourself?