Communicating for Success
The Big C makes the world go around or down. What is the big C you ask. COMMUNICATION.
I have been married now for over 14 years and have known my husband for over 25 years. So you would think that we were experts in the big C. Well over the last 8 years it has improved dramatically. The main reason behind this is I finally decided to be true to my feelings and be vulnerable.
Growing up in inner city Bradford, I was made to believe that venerability was a weakness and once exposed you were lean pickings. As I have aged and walked in my truth I have found the opposite. Vulnerability is in-fact a gateway to success. What a beautiful revelation this is.
I used to find myself daily at the washing up sink communicating with myself (in my head) about all the jobs I had to do. I would be having bad thoughts about my husband sat on his lap top whilst the kids fought around him. This would enhance my frustration as I would tell myself “ok, so not only do I have all these jobs to do but I have to look after the kids too”. My husband would look at me with a big smile (having no clue over my internal dialogue) and say “are you ok Love”? “fine”, I would say with a wincing face. He would then try work out what was wrong with me but I would disclose nothing. Really he should know. After all, he wasn’t asleep, or was he.
Anyway all this Communication was not working. Why? Because it stayed in my head and tried to take me down everyday. I had a victim mentality. Poor me, I never stop. No one appreciates me. Its never ending, I do not know why I bother cleaning, it will a mess in 10 minutes.
Then one day my friend, Vulnerability showed up. I explained to Richard that I was struggling with all the house work, and when the house is a mess I feel like a failure and this makes me feel really stressed out. He was shocked and said “why haven’t you asked me for help” I explained that I thought I shouldn’t need to ask for help and he would just offer.
At that point he explained that he didn’t want to be around me when cleaning etc as I looked so moody and he was scared he would get under my feet. Obviously my internal dialogue was putting out a vibe that I didn’t want him around but actually the opposite was true.
In that moment we both decided that we would get the kids to tidy up after themselves, he would do breakfast and put the kids to bed and we would share ironing and other duties.
It felt such a relief to finally be honest with him and myself. I apologised (yes I said sorry, another good friend I may add) and said that in future I would try and communicate my frustrations rather than expecting him to read my mind and know what I am thinking.
He was so happy to be able to help and know that the moody, frustrated wife was gone, (for now, no one is perfect, I have PMT but thats another story).
The moral of this story is that men cannot read minds and will never know what you are thinking or feeling unless you communicate them clearly. I am no longer a victim but a victor. Team work makes the dream work and a happy wife leads to a happy life.