Lifestyle

Life coaching, relationships, parenting, work, addiction,

22 March 2019

Overcoming Resistance to Change

Do you need to overcome resistance to change?

It may be a job you need to change, a relationship, a place you live, elements of your personality or habits.

The dictionary’s definition of resistance is “ The refusal to accept or comply with something”

I personally have learned that the thing I resisted the most, was the thing I need to start doing, to get results.

A couple of examples of this include eating healthy, wholesome foods and running. As a personal Trainer you would think that the above would come easy and be a no brainer. But for a season all I wanted to do was eat the opposite of healthy food and despised the thought of running.

One day I decided to put into practice my belief that we resist the things we need the most and make a note of the results I got.

I started by creating a healthy, nutritious menu that was low in simple carbohydrates and sugars and high in Protein and healthy fats. The results were astonishing within three days I felt amazing. To quantify this I had clarity in my thinking and emotional stability. It was almost like a veil had been lifted. I could see the world clearer and it looked beautiful.

Another benefit was that I felt more motivated to move. So with this new found energy I decided to go running and to my utter surprise I really enjoyed it. I started listening to audio books such as The power of the subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and The Code to the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani.

As I listened to these life changing books, I began to get even more clarity in my thinking which lead to business ideas and the enthusiasm to follow them up.

The motto of the story is this, what are you resisting? Could it be the thing that you need to do to get a break through?

I could not imagine what my life would look like today if I had not committed to try the things I was resisting. I suspect I would not have the busy Personal Training Practice that I have today and my Life coaching clients would not get the best from me if I didn’t have the clarity and knowledge that I have gained whilst running and eating healthy.

The key in all of this is, ask yourself, what is it I am fighting against?

Then rather than resist it, face it head on with the intention of getting a break through.

In conclusion to the above, another benefit to resistance training is you become stronger, leaner and a force to be reckoned with.

You are powerful and have great potential but the distance you travel will be determined by the motivation to challenge all you have been resisting.

14 February 2019

Lose Weight Without Dieting

I may have said this before and I will say it again… DO NOT DIET.

I will help you Lose Weight Without Dieting. It really does not need to be crazy difficult. Just some small changes will help.

Going on some special cabbage or potato diet is not doing you any good. You may lose weight quickly, that’s because you have drastically reduced your calorie intake. But you will regain the weight if you do not change your long term eating habits.

Going Through The Change.

The thing you need to be doing is make some small changes that will bring a long term gain.

So, what changes?

Take a look at what you already eat for a start. Record what you eat, either a mental note or good old paper and pen.

The foods you really need to eat are a protein source such as Meat; chicken, beef, pork, lamb, Beans & lentils; Haricot, broad, kidney, or you could try Quorn.

Carbohydrate Source such as Vegetables, fruit, wholemeal pasta and brown rice. Eat more vegetables than the other carbohydrate sources as they are lower in calories and high in fibre so they will keep you feeling full and you will not eat too many calories.

Drinking Water is vital for your body to function correctly. If you can’t drink plain water, try flavouring water but stay away from all soda drinks.

What Not To Eat.

They are foods that you need. Looking at your list, do you eat foods that you don’t need?

Do you eat or drink the following…

Crisps
Biscuits
Chocolate
Drinking Chocolate
Coca Cola, lemonade (even “diet” is bad news)
High sugar cereals
Take out pizza, chips and burgers

The list above are foods that you need to cut out of your diet. Keep Calm, you don’t need to get rid of everything at once.

What I am suggesting is to lose weight without dieting, you gradually cut items from your diet. It all depends on what item you really like to eat and would struggle not eating. If your favourite high sugar food are biscuits and you normally eat a packet every day then try eating less, like half a pack a day or buying a smaller pack of biscuits.

If you marry this with some more movement (exercise, gardening, sports) in your lifestyle you will lose weight without dieting.

Keep up the momentum.

Pick a time period of 1 or 2 weeks and decide what steps you will take to reduce high calorie, sugary foods. Then at the same time increase your movement gradually.

Keep this process going at a pace that suits you. The gradual changes will do great for your body and mind and you will feel like you are not depriving yourself.

You Can’t Just Change Lifetime Habits Overnight.

Brace yourself for long term results. To lose weight without dieting is the best way but will take a while to get to your desired goal whether you have a few stone to lose or just a couple of pounds. It has taken a lifetime of habits that you are trying to break.

Just stick at it. You will start to feel better.

If you need anymore advice or information, please get in touch with me.

2 July 2018

Being a Life Coach

I often get women asking me what I do for work. To be honest I actually don’t feel like I do work, this is because I love what I do so much.

The reality is that I am in the business of helping people (women especially) have balance in all areas of their lives, plus live a life they are proud of.

We all have lots of challenges to navigate these days. These are a few that I come across with my clients, Work; relationships; family; finance; fitness; health; spirituality; nutrition; friends; personal development; animals and hobbies.

As a team (Together, Everyone, Achieves More) we work together to look at which areas of their life are important, assess them on a scale of 1-10 and then work at finding balance, where they lack it.

Throughout life we can pick up belief systems that are so deep rooted we don’t realise that they are limiting and the main cause of our feeling unfulfilled.

Some of these limiting beliefs are:

Women look after the kids and do all the cooking and house work
I don’t Trust anyone until they have proven themselves
Men are the main providers
I don’t aim too high as I will only be let down and disappointed
I cannot try new things incase I fail
I am too old to learn new things
I will never have any money
I will never be slim
I will never be happy in my job
If I tell the truth people will judge me
I will never get fit

Whether you believe you can, or cannot you are in fact correct

I am firmly of the belief that weather you believe you can, or cannot you are in fact correct. As you think, so you are.

The mind is so powerful and once we realise how it can be manipulated for our success, the journey of true discovery begins.

Another saying I live by is – The battle is won or lost in the mind. What you focus on you will attract, good, bad and ugly. So be very protective over the internal dialogue and pictures that you allow to show reel in your most treasured possession – your mind.

I love looking at all of the above and turning them on their head when working with my clients. I create an accountable plan so they have a life they are proud of and most importantly feel fulfilled. There are many other facets to what I do but in brief this is it.

If you are struggling and feel out of kilter then maybe a Life Coach is for you.

We reap what we sow and the truth is you are the soil, with the correct fertiliser, who knows what life will produce.

24 June 2018

Food for Thought

As a Personal Trainer and Life Coach I regularly come into contact with people that struggle with diet and exercise.

I just want to share my perspective on this and hopefully it will help you or if you know anyone else with these challenges.

Firstly we are an amazing, powerful machine. We have phenomenal brain power and the ability (in most cases) to achieve a life beyond our wildest dreams.

Fuel.

A few things hinder this and the main one is fuel. Fuel being the food you choose to put into your machine.

Its often said “you are what you eat”. My take on this is that if you have a well balanced diet which includes, Fruit, Veg, Meat, Dairy, and whole grains and less of the processed high sugared, high saturated fat foods, you will have clarity in your thinking, emotional stability and the energy and motivation to move (exercise).

I for one know that if I eat Pizza, chips and cake (for example) the next day I will struggle to get out of bed in the morning and I will feel emotionally irritated. If that wasn’t enough I would also be quite negative in my thinking and less motivated to work out.

On the con-try when I eat well I am surprised and encouraged at how the fuel repays me. I cannot wait to get out of bed in the morning. I tell myself (and believe It) “This is going to be a great day. I am a Lean, fat burning, motivated machine”.

Move the Machine.

I look forward to exercise and nourishing my body to ensure I get the best possible results. At the end of the day we are made up of thoughts, feelings and hormones. So if I can feel great by eating well, think positive and be in great shape because of exercise I am living the dream, right there.

Now lets look at paying it forward. When you weight train you are creating osteoblasts that strengthen your bones, you are building muscle mass to combat age defining muscle break down which slows down metabolism.

Feel good hormones are also released when exercising which prevents depression and cardio is fantastic for heart health.

All this combined with an amazing diet is going to help you live (God willing) a happy, healthy life that as you age will give you strength, mobility and motivation to get about.

We are so blessed to have an abundance of beautiful, creation given food. The problem I most come across is meal prep but thats a blog for another day.

Eat well, think great and move towards all that inspires you.

18 June 2018

Love and living life to the full

Love, in my opinion is everything. To love others, to love yourself, to love creation and creator.

I recently read a book by Gary Chapman which is all about Love languages.

I will give you a quick summary then some examples of how this book changed the overflow of love in my house hold.

Gary suggests that there are 5 languages of Love and that every one has a primary and secondary preference.

These are :- Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Touch, Gifts and Acts of Service.

I later did a questionnaire at a Seminar I attended for Temple Spa and we looked at this In detail. I knew that my primary language was Words. I love to build people up, compliment them on what they are wearing and share helpful information that I may have gathered from books, seminars, work or life experience.

My secondary language is quality time. This made so much sense as I love nothing more that having all my family in one room, watching a movie whilst enjoying pop corn and a cup of tea. It just fills my heart with such joy.

I could not wait to take the questionnaire home and see what my family’s languages of love were. I always assumed that Richard’s (my husband) was Acts of Service as he always brings me a cuppa in the morning and makes me an omelette. Nothing shocked me more when I realised that his primary was Touch followed by Quality time.

At first, I actually felt really sad. Why you may ask, well for years when he has been asking for a cuddle I always assumed that he wanted more, so promptly I rejected him. To top this off when he wanted quality time he had to battle with me looking at my phone so getting no eye contact. Although I was saying “ I am listening”, my actions proved that I wasn’t.

So you can imagine how over the years that has caused both of us to misunderstand and misinterpret each others love for each other.

This knowledge has brought such depth to our marriage. Rich understands that if he wants me to understand what he is feeling he needs to communicate with me as this is the best way for me to have compassion and clarity on his present state. I, on the other hand have to make a conscious effort when he wants quality time to put my phone away, look at him and engage in the conversation and be fully present (I am still working on this).

In addition to this I have learned to pick up on his body language and ask if he would like a cuddle. When we do this I can feel him melt into my arms and a lovely sigh of gratitude leaves his body.

On a night time now, we also make time to watch at least one television programme. We snuggle together and I stroke his arm. Elementary on CBS, is the present favourite, but dependant on mood 50 Ways to kill your mammy can also get a look in. This seems like something so simple but it has really improved our love and understanding of what makes the over feel appreciated and valued.

I later did my 2 eldest boys and found that Daniel’s Language of Love was Words of Affirmation so it was important for me to highlight what I appreciated about him. Funnily enough my saying how I liked that he was a clean, tidy and helpful lad made him move the pots that he would normally leave lying around (Reverse Psychology).

My middle child favours touch so I make a conscious effort to find time to sit with him and snuggle and read a book or have movie time. Also we have developed a special hug where he runs from a distance and jumps up on me. Then I do 5 squats holding him in my arms, followed by an eskimo kiss.

It really is the little things that make people feel loved and happy. Not £10000’s in the bank or lots of material items. Just pure and simple eye contact, touch, kind words, doing something thoughtful like sending a nice text message or sharing a lovely post card with empowering words.

I have learned also that the priority is to be kind to myself. Capture negative dialogue that may be going around my brain and enjoy nice, warm baths where I listen to music, meditation or watch Oprah Winfrey. Now that is living life to the full.

What is your love language and how do you show love to other’s and yourself?

10 June 2018

Communicating for Success

The Big C makes the world go around or down. What is the big C you ask. COMMUNICATION.

I have been married now for over 14 years and have known my husband for over 25 years. So you would think that we were experts in the big C. Well over the last 8 years it has improved dramatically. The main reason behind this is I finally decided to be true to my feelings and be vulnerable.

Growing up in inner city Bradford, I was made to believe that venerability was a weakness and once exposed you were lean pickings. As I have aged and walked in my truth I have found the opposite. Vulnerability is in-fact a gateway to success. What a beautiful revelation this is.

I used to find myself daily at the washing up sink communicating with myself (in my head) about all the jobs I had to do. I would be having bad thoughts about my husband sat on his lap top whilst the kids fought around him. This would enhance my frustration as I would tell myself “ok, so not only do I have all these jobs to do but I have to look after the kids too”. My husband would look at me with a big smile (having no clue over my internal dialogue) and say “are you ok Love”? “fine”, I would say with a wincing face. He would then try work out what was wrong with me but I would disclose nothing. Really he should know. After all, he wasn’t asleep, or was he.

Anyway all this Communication was not working. Why? Because it stayed in my head and tried to take me down everyday. I had a victim mentality. Poor me, I never stop. No one appreciates me. Its never ending, I do not know why I bother cleaning, it will a mess in 10 minutes.

Then one day my friend, Vulnerability showed up. I explained to Richard that I was struggling with all the house work, and when the house is a mess I feel like a failure and this makes me feel really stressed out. He was shocked and said “why haven’t you asked me for help” I explained that I thought I shouldn’t need to ask for help and he would just offer.

At that point he explained that he didn’t want to be around me when cleaning etc as I looked so moody and he was scared he would get under my feet. Obviously my internal dialogue was putting out a vibe that I didn’t want him around but actually the opposite was true.

In that moment we both decided that we would get the kids to tidy up after themselves, he would do breakfast and put the kids to bed and we would share ironing and other duties.

It felt such a relief to finally be honest with him and myself. I apologised (yes I said sorry, another good friend I may add) and said that in future I would try and communicate my frustrations rather than expecting him to read my mind and know what I am thinking.

He was so happy to be able to help and know that the moody, frustrated wife was gone, (for now, no one is perfect, I have PMT but thats another story).

The moral of this story is that men cannot read minds and will never know what you are thinking or feeling unless you communicate them clearly. I am no longer a victim but a victor. Team work makes the dream work and a happy wife leads to a happy life.

6 June 2018

Kids Need Help With Their Emotions

Helping Kids Manage Their Emotions.

Being a mother is the most honoured position I hold and one that I take very seriously.

I will never forget the feelings I had when I had my first born, Daniel. I honestly just wanted to wrap him up and protect him from the nasty world that the media portrayed.

Jen with Daniel when Daniel was a baby — Me with Daniel 2007

As the years have passed and I have birthed 2 other children, I now realise that I cannot wrap them in cotton wool. The best I can do as a mother of three boys is teach them how to feel, so that they become emotionally mature, express their thoughts in a way that is not misunderstood and help them to realise that they are apart of a wider community and Society.

Jen with all 3 boys

Suppressing the Emotions.

I recently had a life coaching client that had got into debt and was over weight. After an initial assessment it soon became clear that as a child when she was growing up, if she experienced any negative emotion or trauma her Mother or Grandmother would either feed her or buy her something. Telling her not to worry and that everything will be ok.

As an adult this pattern continued. If she was experiencing bad emotions such as loneliness she would eat to make herself feel better. The only problem was that the food she chose to eat was high fat, high sugar/salt and high carb. So initially she would feel better but then her blood sugars would slump, the reality of what she had eaten would kick in and she would feel depressed.

On other occasions she would try to make herself feel better by buying things. Examples include Gym memberships, but with that all new kit needed to be purchased as well. Or she would decide she was going to start a new hobby, card making as another example.

All the items would be purchased only then the realisation that she couldn’t afford to pay the bills would kick in and depression would rear its ugly head and back to the food she would go.

From this experience I have learned that retail therapy and searching for food to fill the void is not going to solve anything. The key is to embrace your feelings, then think about how you feel and why you feel that way. Then take time to take action and get a positive result.

Controlling the Emotions.

My son recently came to me and said “Mum, I am so angry because Declan (name change) has come onto my game online and caused trouble, He then added “when I get to school tomorrow I am going to punch him”.

Instinctively I wanted to tell him off for saying how he felt, however, I chose to discuss it with him. I asked if he felt embarrassed in front of his friends to which he replied “yes”.

Is that why you want to hurt him? “yes”.

Ok. I then added “if you do punch him, do you think the school will let it go”? “No”.

“Well if you punch him are you aware that this could go on your record and affect your upper school choice”? “erm no”.

He then said “ok then mum what can you do to help”, I replied, “I can call school and log the incident so that if he starts again, he is the one who is in trouble, rather than him looking like the victim if you punch him”. He agreed to this and concluded “we should pray for him, I wonder if he is lonely. Also mum I think you should leave it and not tell the school”.

The bottom line is our children have emotions, good, bad and ugly. Its so important for us as parents to help them express and feel all emotions and then learn to communicate why they feel the way they do and then guide them to think themselves out of the situation, using logic, compassion and mercy.

It’s sad to say but we live in a narcissistic society, where children are often not disciplined with the correct communication and are constantly told I am so proud of you, you are amazing.Your so special and can do no wrong. Then the child grows up only to find the world doesn’t revolve around them, they are not always right and there are consequences to to their behaviour and other peoples emotions to consider.

4 June 2018

Eating the Wrong Food is Making Me Emotional

Eating the Wrong Food is Making Me Emotional.

We are all ruled by thoughts, feelings and hormones. Good or bad the fact is that there is always 2 choices and we choose which one.

It sounds so easy but I am aware that the thoughts we often have can be as a direct result of what people have spoken over us or behaviour modelled to us whilst growing up. In addition to this we all have an internal dialogue that can trap us into having limiting belief systems.

There are so many emotions that we can feel in any one day. The key to success is our conscious perspective. Some dominant feelings include depression, stress, anxiety or fear. When we dwell on these particular emotions they will take us down.

As a Life Coach, I try and work with my clients so that they understand a process that can help them feel better about themselves and take control of how they feel rather than their feelings dictating their day to day existence.

Thoughts, feelings, actions and results.

The process I am going to give examples on is Thoughts, feelings, actions and results. Have you ever heard the saying “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got” Mark Twain.

I am basically saying that we must be the change that we want to see happen and I believe that with thoughts and actions coming alongside feelings the results will significantly change for the better.

Example – Overweight female aged 30+

Thoughts – I am fat and ugly. I have cellulite and big belly and my cloths do not fit.

Feelings – Sadness, shame, guilt, depression.

Take Action.

Look at the foods that you are consuming. Is it balanced, correct calories and nutritious? Do you drink fizzy drinks or alcohol? The fact is that what you eat and drink will have a direct impact on your thoughts and feelings.

Write a list of all your meals and drink consumed over the next 3 days. This will show you how balanced you diet is and if you are over consuming calories. (Average calories for a female is 2000 calories, if you desire to loose 1lb per week then drop this by 500 calories).

Honesty for Results.

Be honest with yourself about exercise/movement. Do you go for walks 3x a week, workout at the gym, attend a fitness class or swim for example. If you do not exercise and eat a diet that is full of fat, sugars and carbs then your feelings and thoughts have actually helped you to get to the bottom of why you are over weight and unhappy.

Your Desired Results.

Follow a healthy balanced meal plan (notice I didn’t say diet). Change your Lifestyle and your mental state will improve. Next, plan to walk for 20 minutes 3x per week. If finances will allow you may consider joining a gym or better still invest in a Personal Trainer.

On reflection your initial thoughts and feeling were in-fact helping to highlight a problem. With realistic action you can now see how over time you will get a better result.